fear, hold me in place

I hear they are digging up graves, my granny's will more than likely be one of them. I cannot bear to call my parents for fear that they will do nothing.

had to

I had to visit your ex-lover to discover something that I didn't know. I then wonder if I should return.


Dyke March

Dyke March, originally uploaded by betwixt.

Part of my weekend, my first San Francisco Dyke March.

Trans March

Trans March, originally uploaded by betwixt.

Part of my weekend, my first San Francisco Trans March.

San Francisco Pride

SF Pride, originally uploaded by betwixt.

Part of my weekend, my first San Francisco Pride.


solstice dreaming

I had a dream the other day. I was well into my ninth month of pregnancy and still working full-time as an organizer for some miscellaneous social justice campaign. Billy and I both worked at this organization; we were partners (in the queer sense). She has built the tub in which I was to have the baby, her mom, Celeste, staying with us as my midwife. At a demonstration rally, I was leading the charge, bullhorn in hand. Next thing I know my water has broke, Billy comes to my side making sure I stay upright. I yell to my next in command, bark, "Take it from here! Keep this moving!" Other help Billy get me into the car so that we may get home for the birth. Next thing I know I am in the tub, Celeste coaching, finally coaxing the baby out. The baby is out, floating, next the placenta. I relax momentarily cooing over the baby, everyone titters at the sight of the newly birthed baby. I feel pressure, more birth pains. Celeste looks at me in concern, taking care. I tell her I think she better look/feel around down there. 'But...' She does. Not sure if she says 'oh' or 'oh my'. Next thing we all know it is baby number two. I'm not sure which came first the male or the female but there are now two. Floating, beautiful. Billy is all too happy. I am happy. Much too happy to wake up but I did.

What I did for summer vacation...

I fought for the freedom to marry for folks regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Every day, gay and lesbian Californians are denied the freedom to marry the person they love. Let California Ring is a public education campaign to open hearts and minds about the freedom to marry and the respect, support and legal responsibilities that come with it. At its heart, Let California Ring is a conversation that begins with you.

Find out more at www.letcaliforniaring.org

self aware

I have been in Los Angeles for over two weeks. I have hesitated to write. Not as if I have little to say, I have been committing bits and pieces to my travel journal. There are so many feelings still swirling. Happy for the work, glad to learn.
Discovering where I fit in. Wondering what will happen when I return home, head filled with knowledge, wanting to put it all to good use.
L.A. Pride came in, saw the city, hit the ground running as far as work is concerned. Not too excited about this city but figured it would be at least a little fun. I have had some fun here and there, my coworkers are really awesome. Work can consume so much time as well as finding your way around such a huge mass of land sans car (Somehow I have managed to lose weight in the first couple of weeks. Wondering if it has anything to do with all of the walking and bus catching?).

Responding to my first weekly report, Moof, my supervisor, called me 'very self-aware'. Here is a bit of what she was responding to:

• Which one of Fred Ross’s axioms speaks to you and why?

“Leadership – You don’t develop new leaders, you push people into taking action by refusing to do it yourself. You are then providing them the opportunity to become aware of their own capabilities.”
I think the most important idea that I learned this week was ability to work with volunteers and to be looking for leaders at every junction. I feel that the ability to work with and for people is very important to making any movement or change sustainable. The name of the game in organizing is sustainability of a movement, for volunteers, and for the organizers themselves
In the past I have struggled with sustaining myself and other organizers whether that was from lack of help, lack of asking for help or recognizing when someone else needed help. I am not going to let that happen. I am going to make sure to take time out for myself, explore the city, and ‘get a life’ outside of work.

I think I need to listen to myself more.


Leaving on a jet plane...

Heading to Los Angeles in less than one hour. I will be there until mid August. There are so many feelings swirling in and out of my head through my ears. Excitement at the opportunity to work for the Task Force, to be paid to learn how to become a better organizer. I have taken a look at the schedule for the first week and I must say, 'Whoa!' So many trainings, long days, events. Also heading over a little early so I volunteered to work L.A. Pride - when I get into town I already have a training planned.

I am staying in a not-so-great area but I am not very worried - everyone else is worried enough for me. What I am worried about is being broke and without a safety net. What I am worried about is being in a new city without my car. I have only been driving for a few years but I have taken to it greatly.
I will miss my friends, my home, my girlfriend, our dogs and ratties. Gretel's high pitched bark signaling time to wake up, Pip cuddling me back to sleep.
Billy is so amazing and I  will miss her. I have grown accustomed to cuddling her while she sleeps. 
My flight has started to board. I will miss Kansas City.