Been doing a shit ton of thinking - a shit ton. Figuring out what it is I want to do and what I could do. I guess a lot of what I want to do is change the world. Changing it through action, through the media, through film. Creation leading to change.
There is so much in this world that needs to change but we cannot even get a dialogue going. I wish to spark that dialogue in any way I can. First I need to find a job. :)
Got to see a personal hero of mine last week, Kate Bornstein. This amazing performer, poet, writer, transsexual gender warrior sparks thoughts always racing through my head. When going to hear her speak I wasn't sure what to expect - most of what I have read from her deals with gender and genderqueer issues. She did some spoken word, telling the story of her life, of her continuing transition. She offered advice to the crowd, "Never fuck someone you wouldn't want to be." She talked of not setting out to be an author.
She talked of suicide and how our bodies shed themselves every 7 years. She talked of survival and what it takes to keep ourselves alive when our hearts wish us dead. It resonated and I was close to tears over a dozen times. She perfectly communicated what I could never fully tell others. There is no true suicide prevention. There are no words that can truly keep someone from ending their life. They have to make that choice themselves, they have to constantly 'trick' themselves into living one more day. We all have our tricks that keep us alive, that keep us from suicide.
Afterwards I was able to have her sign a copy of 'Gender Outlaw' and we talked for a minute. I told her a little bit about my survival tricks, dealing with gender, and how awesome I think she is. We were both close to tears. She told me that if I ever needed anything to call her. Kate Bornstein gave me her phone number. Seriously. Amazing.
The book I recommend getting is 'My Gender Workbook; How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely' - so much fun studying and playing with gender.
Her latest book comes out next month and I plan to pre-order it - Hello Cruel World : 101 Alternatives to Teen Suicide. I am no longer a teen but it will spurn me to create my own list of alternatives. Goddess knows I have over 101.
Some other things are happening with me but I have pushed it to the background. Just trying to enjoy the rest of this semester in between the craziness of graduating and all of my other activities. I am off to St. Louis this weekend for a college media conference. Hopefully I'll have a chance to hit up St. Louis proper. It has been a while since I have had a chance to visit the City Museum or go to The Upstairs Lounge. First, I must edit my section for the paper, flyer at First Fridays for Code Pink and attend Take Back The Night's poetry reading at the Planet. Perhaps I'll make it to The Mercy Seat on my way to St. Louis. Go. Go. Go.