Lately I Love.

Here it is Christmas morning, early morning. My roommate is out of the country and I am sharing my home with Billy and my little brother. I am happy.

I am typing this from her PowerBook as mine is sitting there waiting for me to digitally pry it open, releasing the imperfect pearls of my life. Unrefined pearls made of sorrow, giddy discovery, happy moments, lazy afternoons, frustrated ramblings. There is no Kino, no village to pine for these pearl’s wealth; they are only worth something to my own life.

Something, or someone, else of worth has entered my life. This experience is progressing at an interesting charge. One decision among many, driving out to Lawrence at the last minute, a date that I was unsure that it actually was.

Returning to see where she sleeps now, to meet the guardian pup, her new apartment.

There were hours of dancing, not literal dancing mind you, the dancing of those studying, deciphering the other’s intentions. We filled that time up with Scrabble, coffee, and conversation.

I was unsure of the next move, there was waiting. Fetch with the pup led us to the bedroom and propelled us forward. Not so fast, as I hesitated to make the next move, yet fingers, lips touched.

Overhead lights offer a blinding distraction from intimate conversations, all she had to replace that intrusion were tea lights lined across the sole windowsill. Discussion of what we wanted sexually, movement to action.

Sex with someone new is always a bit dizzying. Sex with Billy transforms moments, with pleasure, gender shifts as well.

The morning sun touched the burnt out tea lights, signaling that our two hours of sleep over, barely allowing my eyes respite. Realizing the time, wishing I had more, I called ahead to give warning to my co-organizers. “I will more than likely be late. Yes, I am still in Lawrence. I so owe you two.” I hung up the phone, their giggles still in my ears matching the ones at the base of my throat.

Morning grins, kisses, nervous stomach butterflies signaling hunger and a giddy excitement. All over my body, I could still feel her hands caressing, her lips kissing.

The city, the conference lies in wait. Billy blew me a kiss as we got into our cars; I followed her speed down 70. We would see each other again in a few hours.

Throughout the conference, we kept close to one another, hands clasped together under tables and behind corners kissing. My eyes darting nervously, words stammering, stuttering, betraying how much I like her. As soon as she would leave my sight, I would take a deep breath, close my eyes, and let out a high-pitched noise of elation.

November brought us, Thanksgiving, which we spent together at her place. I was happy there, cuddling with her, the pup, and the ratties.

Coming back to Kansas City did not feel the same; it still does not.